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Safe Words in Kink: A Guide

In kink play, safety, trust, and communication are paramount. Establishing and understanding safe words is essential for all participants to ensure boundaries are respected and everyone is comfortable and consenting. Here's a template to help navigate safe words:

  1. Select and Define Safe Words; Safe words are specific words or phrases agreed upon before play begins to signal comfort levels and boundaries. These words are used to pause, slow down, stop, or continue. Choose easy to remember, and easy to pronounce words, that are separate from your everyday language and usual dirty talk. Common options include the traffic light system, red, yellow, green, But other safe words I have heard people use include Bubblegum, Starfish and Ketchup! Your safe word system can be anything, as long as its easy for you and your partner(s) to remember.

  2. Communicate Boundaries: Before engaging in any kink play, have an open and honest conversation to discuss likes and dislikes, boundaries, limits, and potential triggers. Ensure everyone involved understands the significance of safe words and maintaining a safe and consensual environment.

  3. Non-Verbal Cues: In situations where speaking may be difficult or restricted - such as wearing a ball gag - establish non-verbal cues as additional safe words. These could be hand signals or gestures that participants can use to communicate their feelings.

  4. Continuous Communication: Encourage ongoing communication throughout play. Consent is not a one-time pass. Participants should feel empowered to use safe words at any time - and trust that they will be respected - if they feel uncomfortable, or need to adjust the intensity of the activity.

  5. React Appropriately: When a safe word is used, stop the play immediately and check in with the person using it. Show understanding and respect for their boundaries. You want to avoid judgement, and avoid pressuring them to continue; instead, take the time to discuss their needs and adjust or end play if needed. If someone uses a safe word - and you ignore it - that is assault.

  6. Aftercare: After the activity ends, engage in aftercare to provide emotional support and comfort to all participants, this could be running a bath for them, making dinner, watching your favourite tv show, together, etc. Give each other space and time to communicate your feelings after the session.


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