Welcome to the world of sex toys—a magical place where buttons, batteries, and buzzers combine to bring you a world of pleasure. But before you dive into this pleasure-filled paradise, let’s have a quick chat about sex toy safety. Because let’s face it: nobody wants their intimate moments interrupted by a trip to the ER, right?
1. Read the Label, People!
Before you even think about unboxing that new vibrating gadget, take a moment to read the instructions. Yes, I know, the user manual might seem as dry as your uncle’s tax advice, but trust me, it's worth it. It's like IKEA furniture—skip the instructions, and you're likely to end up with something poking where it shouldn't.
Pay attention to warnings like "for external use only" or "do not insert into urethra." These companies aren’t just being killjoys—they’re saving you from having to explain to a nurse why there’s a small, buzzing sound coming from inside you.
2. Keep It Clean, Like Your Roommate’s Side of the Apartment
Sex toys are like dishes—if you use them, you’ve got to wash them. And no, that doesn't mean tossing them into the dishwasher (unless the instructions say so!). Before and after every use, clean your toys with warm water and a mild, unscented soap, or better yet, with a toy cleaner specifically designed for the job.
3. The Lube Lowdown
Lubrication is your friend, but not all lubes play nicely with all toys. Silicone-based lubes are great, but when paired with silicone toys, it’s a recipe for a sticky situation—literally. They can break down the material of your toy, turning your once sleek and shiny vibrator into a gummy, unusable mess.
Water-based lube is usually a safer bet, but again, read the label. This isn’t just a case of getting “extra slippery”—it’s about making sure your toy lasts as long as your, well, sessions.
4. Know Your Materials
Not all sex toys are created equal. Some materials are safer than others, and your body will thank you for knowing the difference. Look for toys made from non-porous materials like silicone, glass, or stainless steel. These are easier to clean and less likely to harbor bacteria.
Avoid toys made from jelly, rubber, or other porous materials that can trap bacteria and potentially cause infections. Because nothing kills the mood faster than a UTI, am I right?
5. Batteries Not Included… or Exploding
For those battery-operated wonders, it’s crucial to check the batteries regularly. If your toy starts sputtering or losing power faster than your old smartphone, it might be time for a battery change. And while we’re on the topic—never mix old and new batteries. That’s like mixing tequila and wine. Just… don’t.
Also, never, ever, charge your toys while using them. I know, multitasking is a modern skill, but unless you want your new nickname to be “Sparky,” just wait until it's fully charged.
6. Sharing is Not Always Caring
We’ve all heard that sharing is caring, but when it comes to sex toys, you might want to keep them to yourself. If you do choose to share, at least use a condom on the toy and change it between partners. This isn't about being a buzzkill—it’s about keeping everyone healthy and happy.
7. Storage: Hide and Seek Champion
When you're done with your fun, store your toys in a clean, dry place. And no, the bottom of your sock drawer doesn’t count. Many toys come with their own storage bags, which are perfect for keeping them dust-free and ready for action.
Also, if you live with others, consider a place that’s a bit more discreet. You don’t want your mother-in-law finding your "massager" when she’s hunting for a pair of scissors.
8. Check for Recalls
Just like your car, sex toys can sometimes be recalled for safety reasons. It’s worth giving a quick Google search to make sure your latest purchase isn’t on the naughty list for all the wrong reasons.
9. When in Doubt, Throw it Out
If your toy starts to show signs of wear and tear, or if it develops an odd smell, it might be time to retire it. Holding onto a broken toy is like holding onto an ex—it’s just not healthy.
10. Always Use a Flared Base
Toys should be flared at the end, ESPECIALLY for anal play, a flared base makes it easy to grab and remove, and stops the toy from being fully inserted. The wrong shaped toy risks getting stuck you know where..
Finally, if something doesn’t feel right, stop and reassess. If a toy feels too big, too intense, or if it’s causing pain, it’s okay to put it aside. Pleasure should be, well, pleasurable! And if you do find yourself in a compromising position (literally), don't hesitate to seek medical help. Doctors have seen it all—trust me.
In conclusion, sex toy safety might not be the sexiest topic, but it’s definitely important. By following these tips, you can ensure that your playtime is not only fun and satisfying but also safe. Now go forth and enjoy your buzzworthy adventures—just keep it clean, safe, and away from the dishwasher!
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